The Turner Syndrome Society of the United States: Advancing knowledge, facilitating research, and supporting all those touched by Turner syndrome.
TSSUS is the largest organization – worldwide – supporting the Turner syndrome community.
Adopting a Child
and Turner Syndrome
Considering ways to start your family is an exciting process. There is much to consider, so we’ll cover the unique considerations related to adoption.
How do you know if adoption is the best journey for you? Does having Turner syndrome affect the adoption process? Are there things you should do to prepare?
“Infertility is heartbreaking, unfair, and, of course, also affects many people that don’t have a Turner syndrome diagnosis. It’s not your fault that you cannot or should not become pregnant, and it does not lessen your worth. Reread the last sentence if you need to.”
Natalie P.
“When a couple experiences problems with fertility, the cause(s) can be multiple and overlapping. Problems in the male are just as likely as problems in the female, and it is equally likely that the cause is a combination from both partners.”
The National Institutes of Health.
TSSUS is proud to support our members on their adoption journeys! We know how meaningful the path to parenthood can be, and we are thrilled to offer a $2,000 Adoption Grant to help make dreams a reality. Our commitment to the Turner syndrome community goes beyond awareness and research — we are here to support you every step of the way. After completing the adoption home study, you may apply for the grant within the member scholarship area.
Is Adoption the Right Option for You?
You’ve more than likely already considered the pros and cons of motherhood and are now wondering about the pros and cons of adoption.
Thankfully, there are many credible adoption resources, and we recommend Finding Forever Families, a Step-by-Step Guide to Adoption. It includes a personal inventory of your readiness, personality, and wishes. Please check out the DTFA Adoption Guide US
The personal inventory helps you ensure you want to support a child for the right reasons. Whether you give birth or adopt, it is a life-changing event, and you should be prepared emotionally, physically, and financially before committing to care for a child.
Most people envision adopting a baby, but realistically, most children in the foster system have already started school. You may consider the pros and cons of being flexible and open to providing a forever home for a child of any age.
Additionally, other agencies, like mentor programs, support older children. These programs allow you to get to know a child before you become responsible for them. Some agencies will host events where you can meet unmatched children.
Costs of Adoption
The Dave Thomas Foundation states, “Foster care adoption typically costs $0 to $5,000 in nominal fees and home studies, while private infant or international adoption might cost $30,000 to $60,000 or more.” Keep in mind these are costs related to adopting only.
Financial aid options
• Subsidies are often available for foster care families
• Your employer may offer adoption benefits
• Consult your tax adviser about possible tax credits
Evaluate Your Resources
Identify Your Support Systems
Each state may have its own rules regarding adoption, which often seem cumbersome. Remember the adoption process should be focused on the benefit to the child. Finding the best home for each child may feel invasive, and the questions very personal. Adoption laws by state.
Identify your support systems before you begin the adoption process. You may need to think, feel, and process your emotions through meditation, journaling, prayer, friends, family, a religious group, or a therapist.
Brush up on your coping and organizational skills.
You are probably caring, loyal, eager to please, and used to working hard to get what you want. You are also realistic and know what part of the process will be most challenging for you.
Prepare for:
Being organized is essential because you must be on time for appointments and tasks related to court dates, paperwork, visits, home studies, and visits with social workers.
Being assertive is necessary to clarify questions, find answers, and advocate for yourself.
Being mentally flexible will save your sanity because there is little certainty in many aspects of the adoption process, and often, changing circumstances are out of your control. It’s also hugely beneficial for parenthood in general.
Monitoring your emotions and reactions because they impact your mental health and those around you. Specifically, be aware of your expressions, body language, and attitude.
Identifying the emotions of others. It is advantageous to read facial expressions and body language and listen to the tones and words of others. Remind people that you may communicate directly and that it should not be misconstrued as rudeness.
Prepare for an Intense Screening Process
The screening process is very intense and thorough because the adoption agency and birth parents want to ensure that you can provide a loving, safe, and stable home for the child.
You and anyone living with you will go through an extensive screening process. It can feel quite invasive because you’ll need to disclose everything about your finances and physical and mental health. People will constantly be in your home, inspecting your life and asking sensitive questions about you and your extended family.
You will provide your work history and income to prove you can financially support yourself and your family. You will need to disclose that you have Turner syndrome and how it affects your health and your ability to care for a child successfully. Be aware that Some conditions, such as ADHD and anxiety, may be classified as a mental illness. Disregard the labels and remember they are interested in what conditions you have and if you have them under control. It is better to explain your conditions to the agency than appear to be hiding something because you feel embarrassed. They will not judge you or see it as a red flag in your process.
Hopefully, you are relatively healthy and have any physical and mental health conditions under control. You may need proof from your doctors that you take medications for your thyroid, blood pressure, anxiety, depression, estrogen replacement, etc., and have any conditions under control. You shouldn’t feel embarrassed by this information; people without TS have health conditions, too.
Complete a Home Study
A home study helps you learn about the adoption process and lets the adoption professional know about you and everyone living with you. The process is thorough, takes around 3-6 months, and costs $0- $5,000. It’s safe to assume it will cost around $2,000- $3,000 and is usually required for private and foster agencies.
Any adult living in your home must pay for fingerprinting and a background check.
You must prove that at least one babysitter is qualified to babysit by providing a sitter’s background check, Tuberculosis (TB) test, vehicle inspection, and driving record if the sitter will drive the child around.
A room separate from adults must be available. Children of the same sex may share a room with a child of the same sex, but there are requirements based on the sex and age of the children.
You’ll need necessary items to support the child’s needs based on their age. For instance, if you are applying for a baby or toddler, you’ll need a crib, mattress, bedding, and dresser. Older children need a regular bed (mattress and bedding) and a dresser. There are minimum amounts of items you will need to purchase. You will be required to spend more money on different items for a teenager than an infant because they require different products for hygiene and clothing.
Prepare a safe home for children. For small children, you’ll need to block off all stairways or hazards and lock cabinets containing knives, alcohol, cleaning supplies, and chemicals in your house, regardless of the height of the cabinets.
Understand the Adoption Process
Private Adoptions
Private adoptions are a negotiation between the birth mother and the adoption family, and the unknown can feel overwhelming. Once you are approved, the waiting process is exciting and stressful!
Finding a match may take less than a month or more than a year. During this time, you may have false starts- matched with a mother, but she changes her mind, or something else will happen to end the process, and you will start waiting again. There are even instances where the adoption agency dissolves, and you lose money and opportunities the agency offered you. As mentioned, you need to know how you will handle these disappointments before you begin this journey so you will be prepared and not want to give up.
Once you are matched and waiting for adoption to be finalized, there is a short period, varying by state, in which the birth mother has an opportunity to change her mind and keep her child. Even when parties agree on open or closed adoption, prepare for the unexpected. Prepare for feeling a steady level of fear about losing the child that you have sacrificed so much for and bonded with. Until the adoption papers are signed, anything can happen in the process. The child’s family members can take custody even months into the process. Remember, the process also often leads to the creation of forever families.
Your Patience is an Asset
Aside from the adoption process taking time and requiring patience, a child will need extra affection and care. Since these children have gone through so much change, you will need to patiently work through their trauma so they may bond and trust you.
Therapy is often helpful to you and the child. Usually, you won’t understand the child’s stress until you spend a significant amount of time with them. The child was removed from their home for a reason, and they will experience a unique type of trauma before and during the removal from their home. As the foster parent, you may be guessing at the cause of multiple, extreme, and unknown triggers once the child is in your home. This can be unsettling for everyone.
Unfortunately, the child will be going through a severe sense of loss. They have been torn from people they loved and trusted, whether it’s warranted or not, without a full explanation. They often cannot understand the situation due to age or other reasons. Speaking to children about their past is a very tenuous situation. They will frequently hold mixed emotions regarding their biological families. There is a certain amount of pain, anger, and confusion about the problem, but love, compassion, and happy memories, too.
Foster parent(s) will receive information about the child, including known medical history and some version of why the child was removed. Also, if the child is old enough and willing, they may tell you more than you want. You will be responsible for taking the child to doctor visits and sharing the information with the social workers. Once adoption papers are signed, you’ll be given a full report of the child’s history.
Having Turner syndrome may narrow your options for creating your forever family, but there are many positive stories of adoption within our community. We encourage you to share your personal insights about having TS and the adoption process.
Take Advantage of Resources
Get connected!
The TSSUS FB group is a great way to give and receive support for adoption. Sharing such an intimate journey with others in the TS community may lead to lifelong friendships and a strong support system.
Other resources:
Financial Resources for Adoptive Families
Natalie Portway, a TSSUS member and mother of 2 children (through fostering), coordinated the information about TS and adoption. She believes the TS community is a valuable resource for people sharing their experiences of highs and lows throughout their lives.
A special thank you to the Leaping Butterfly Ministry for funding to support the financial needs of women with TS undergoing adoption.